Dawn Star, Tali and the Author Walk into a Bar
by Richie S
Summary: Dawn Star gets drunk and Tali is feverish, meaning they meet in fanfic world!  Yours truly appears as a self-insert, my first time writing this type of story.  Rated K  for some minor bad language.


Wine was an interesting thing Dawn Star discovered, namely in the sense that it altered the fundamental nature of reality. Especially if he wine in question was soju. Wait a minute, soju is a distinctly Korean intoxicant, what was it doing in the Jade Empire? First of all Jade Empire is based off of China not Korea and secondly Jade Empire doesn't exist in the "real" world, it is an alternate reality fantasy. Yet none of it mattered because here she was drunk on the stuff. However whether it be real life Asia or a fantasy based off of it one thing remained the same. It was not good to drink by one's lonesome. This was something Dawn Star did not have soon to worry about as a faux-Romanian accent piped up behind her "Can I join you?"

Tali Zorah vas Normandy stood behind her fellow Bioware good girl posing the question. "Sure," Dawn Star replied in a slightly slurred but still friendly voice. "By the way what are you doing here? Not only are you in a completely different game but you cannot possibly be drunk as you have no way to drink with your mask." "You are absolutely right," Tali replied "however Shepherd and I… well I have a fever so I am not in my right mind; so since we are both out of the "normal" reality we can meet for a time." Dawn Star thought about this for a moment before simply nodding. "Well it _is_ good seeing you; after all nobody likes to drink alone." Dawn Star finished her sentence by downing another shot of soju.

"What drives you to drink in the first place?" Tali asked. Dawn Star answered after grimacing at the alcohol's harshness "It is the fan community, they seem to think I am some static, whiny character that has a disproportionate amount of dialogue and attention given to them. I don't think I get any respect as a character at all, I am just a punching bag for the parts of the fandom that don't like me." Noticing there was only one swallow left in the bottle Dawn Star tipped it bottom's up and motioned for another. Tali digested what her companion had said carefully, it was difficult to counter, Bioware's forums were not always the nicest of places to characters that were not beloved by fans. "It's not just that, everyone seems to prefer Silk Fox as a love interest for the male PC as opposed to me. I just don't see how that is possible, I mean we are both built like Victoria's Secret models because we are video game characters and of course are faces a pleasing to the eye. In others words were both hot, but I am nice and warm-hearted while she is haughty and conceited, yet why am I getting left in the dust?"

Tali's mind now understood in full, back in ME 1 when the player romanced Ashley Willams, as opposed to Liara (and with a wistful sniff, not so much as a glance at everyone's favorite Quarian) she knew all too well. Seriously! Why would anyone want to get together with an abrasive, mean-spirited individual with the education and temperament of a 9th grade bully? Not being able to think of any words to say to her friend Tali decided on moral support and put her arm around Dawn Star. Since one of her arms were being blocked by Tali she used her other arm to reach for bottle of soju that the bartender was bringing. Which is when things got interesting.

Tali noticed the identity of the bartender first "Richie S.!" Tali exclaimed what the hell are you doing here in this fanfic? You have _never _written a Larry Stu before!" I simply nodded at Tali's comment and set the soju bottle down next to Dawn Star. "Really," the Quarian continued, "are you that desperate for ideas that you are going to resort to the lowest-of-the-low clichés just so you can write a story? I have lost all respect for you as a writer!" I shot Tali an icy glare and asked her if she wanted to be in steamy romance fic with Grunt, needless to say she quickly shut up. I turned my attention to Dawn Star, the real person I wanted to talk to.

"Dawn Star, you really do have a lot of fans, not the least of which is me. Do you have any idea how much Jade Empire fan fiction you have inspired me to write? I mean I've written for all kinds of fandoms but Jade Empire is the single greatest creativity bonanza I have stumbled across! You my dear are the driving force behind my creative outpouring!" Dawn Star suddenly perked up, "Really? I mean that much to you?" "Yes," I shouted exasperatedly. In fact I just heard a radio interview with Kim Mai Guest, the actress that voiced you in Jade Empire; she claimed that working for the game was a very involved experience and that all of your dialogue was recorded over 12, 4-hour sessions! Meaning that a total of 48 hours, or 2 days non-stop of nothing but recording was dedicated to you! You're that awesome, damn it!

Dawn Star did not respond verbally; not that she did not want to, its just that it is hard to talk when you are in tears. Despite her fear of my threat Tali could not stay silent, her voice returned as she voiced words of comfort to her friend. "You see, you really do have fans, Dawn Star." My heartstrings felt an irresistible tug at the heartwarming sight of these two young women, I felt my control of my vocal cords slipping and words just slipping out. "Tali, I wasn't serious about pairing you with Grunt, in fact I was planning of writing a love story with you and Shepherd, one that is quite long and has a happy ending." Now it was the quarian's turn to weep and be comforted by her friend. At no moment other than the present was I so grateful for fan fiction.

Author's note: The radio interview with Kim Mani Guest was not a plot device; she really did day that during an interview with radio station Demon FM. Sadly my claiming to write a long Tali/Shepherd romance fic _was_ a plot device.


End file.
